Friday, May 16, 2008

Top Ten Ways General Authorities Eat Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

Feel bad about eating too many Reeses? Well feel bad no more! The General Authorities have sanctioned them.

David B. Haight: "Imagine 70 years ago on a rough road between Idaho and Logan. There were no Circle K's, no 7-11's. You had to bring your Peanut Butter Cups with you. Ruby and I split one for the first time in 1937 . . . "

Dallin H. Oaks: "The Reese's Peanut Butter Cup challenges us to consume. From the beginning there have been three steps in eating a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. First, remove the wrapper. This is best done quickly, by turning the cup over, grasping the outer fold and pulling away from the bottom. Second .. . "

Joseph B. Wirthlin: "When I was young I would sprint to the corner store, buy a Reese's and run my hand through my hair before taking it down in one bite. These days I don't sprint, and I have no hair, but the peanut butter cup remains."

Richard G. Scott: "If you have not eaten a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, I plead with you. Eat one now. Enjoy the chocolate, the peanut butter. Do not delay. If you have thought, "That's not for me," I plead with you to reconsider. Of all foods I treasure, this one was the first."

M. Russell Ballard: "The time has come when members of the church need to reach out to our friends and share a cup, a peanut butter cup. It is not enough to raise a chocolate bar; it must now have peanut butter."

Thomas S. Monson: "I remember I ate my first Reese's Peanut Butter Cup when I was a tender lad of eight. My mother came up to me, and with a loving twinkle in her eye, asked, 'Tommy, are you eating a Reese's?' And I would invariably smile up to her, 'Yes, Yes, I am.' 'But Tommy, did you know that Sister Jensen next door hasn't eaten a Reese's Cup in years?' My young mind thought upon the plight of my neighbor. Tears were shed. Hearts were gladdened. A cup was shared."

Boyd K. Packer: "In all my years, I have always eaten my Reese's Peanut Butter Cups the same way -- the established way we have been instructed to eat them. There is a far greater evil in this world, though -- those who believe they can eat their cups in a way unconventional to the time-honored manner. We must be true and faithful and eat our Reese's Peanut Butter Cups in the customary and recognized approach as it has been established."

Neal A. Maxwell: "I intentionally initiate the delicious design of deglutition of the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup by nibbling a negligible nit of the culinary creamy cavalcade. It is exclusively through small entities that the great things are fabricated."

J. Golden Kimball: "H*** Heber, I'll eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup any d*** way I want!"

1 comment:

Angeler said...

For reals, Dan. Where did you uncover this? I can't imagine this kind of stuff is just out there floating around on the world wide web.

Meet Daniel and Brittany

The challenge that began with "Have a nice life, Daniel Burton" is progressing with favorable results. Surviving and thriving on lively discussions about books, Abby, or the post-grad school world, the Burtons show signs of excellent health and familial success.

Dan and Britt met on a hot July 4th in 2005. Shortly after inviting her to join him for a panoramic view of the Independence Day fireworks, and not long after her denial, Daniel and Britt agreed to break the ice over ice cream. They soon realized that they were both book geeks, decided a permanent union was worth evaluating, and were married just over a year later on another beautiful July day.

After graduating with a law degree from both he and Brittany's alma mater's rival, Daniel is corporate counsel at the Woodbury Corporation, a commercial real estate management and development company in Salt Lake City. Meanwhile, and far more interestingly, Brittany is raising a new generation of Burtons as full-time mother and family creative director. Abby is two and a half, and #2 is on the way, with arrival expected in late June of 2011. The Burtons look forward to many years of exploring canyons, creeks, and mountain tops, swapping novels, notes, and ideas, and enjoying great discussions about people, politics, and their family.

Daniel and Brittany are both graduates of the 2002 class of Brigham Young University. Abby is gunning to graduate from diapers, sooner than later.